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My decision not to fight again

I love fighting.  It's a drug.  Everyone told me that but I couldn't fathom that until I experienced my first fight.  It was a loss but I was still hooked.   There is no other high like stepping in that cage.  That rush.   
But in April I started getting headaches.  I didn't get hit hard.  I didn't get knocked out.  They just started.  I talked to my coaches and made a conscious decision to go through with my fight anyhow.  This wasn't just any fight.  This was my first pro fight.  This was 2 years of only fighting 4 times and countless fights that had fallen through.  Fallen through as I walked the steps of the ring with my gear on after waiting for two days.  I wasn't backing out.  I was taking this fight because I wanted to fight and I love fighting.  And I was tired of missing fights.  
I kept it to only a handful of people, not even all my coaches knew.  I didn't take any head shots during the training cycle and the headaches stayed at bay.  But then I took some hard shots in the fight.  And I had trouble remembering things and the headaches wouldn't go away.  I finally went to the Doctor and he confirmed what I already knew but it was worse than I thought.  I started the treatment process for a concussion 5 months ago.  Treatment has included all kinds of fun things including cortisone injections into my occipital nerve, physical therapy, cranial therapy and vestibular therapy along with a multitude of drugs to help with my memory and headaches.  There are a lot of simple things that are now far more complex than I ever imagined.  Sometimes I make forward progress and sometimes I go backwards.  
I haven't had a headache in 22 days and that's the most normal I have felt in the last 5 months.  I am now up to a whole 20 minutes of low heart rate rowing or stationary bicycling without headaches.  
Despite all of this, it's still hard for me to say that I won't be fighting again.  Some of you I have been able to tell this to, others I haven't and just say I'm dealing with some other injuries.  Which I am but for some reason, sometimes I just can't say "I'm not fighting again".   I know for my long term health, it's the right decision.  But she has me in her grip.  If someone came up with a miracle drug that would let me fight without any long term brain damage, I'd be like a crack fiend trying to find a way to get my hands on it.  So I'm not fighting again and I'm still trying to find my place in the gym again. 
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