At least once a day, closer to every time I feed her and she sleeps milk drunk in my arms, I think how amazingly perfect she is. And that I have no fucking clue what I am doing. I feel like this is the most important thing I wil ever do (after all it is a little human life that could grow up to be a serial killer if I mess this up) and you are just supposed to know what to do. Thank god for the internet, my amazing stepmom and my amazing sister-in-law. The internet gives you lots of wacky information but can also be very helpful. My family has talked me down off the ledge on more than one occasion and just generally helped me to feel like I might have this moving in the right direction. The husband also gets props for tolerating my moodiness (this is a general life thing but in the scope of being responsible for a tiny human it probably becomes even more crazy). It doesn't mean I don't doubt every decision I make and re-think many of them. The biggest one right now is sleeping. She started life in the hospital with lots of skin contact by sleeping on me almost always, mostly because it was so damn painful to move I decided to move as little as possible. Well that correlated to her best sleep being while touching me. We would try to put her in her bassinet but for the sake of my sleep, I would give in and she would be laying next to me. I of course was nervous about this and have been working to put space between her and I during the night. Which brings us to Tuesday night and she was pretty fussy. I attempted to hand off to Dad while I brushed my teeth but that didn't go well so she ended up laying on the bathroom rug while I brushed my teeth. We go to bed and she isn't much happier with me, so I lay her down in the bed and she's happy. So in the bassinet she goes and she manages to do all her sleep there for the past two nights. Granted, the sleep times decreased a bit to 2.5/3/4 blocks but they are still not bad. I say we went backwards because we had a 6 and two 5.5 hours blocks of sleep. I do sleep with my head as close to her as possible, much to the dismay of Scotch who insists on being my little spoon. It also seems to be helping her daytime sleep as those are getting longer. We will figure it out eventually.
Babies can make the scariest noises. I'm pretty sure she is testing to see how fast I can move when she makes gagging noises.
She also had tears for the first time this week, making the guilt trips so much more real.
I am pretty sure I have poop on me most times of the day.
I am dying to go see Wonder Woman so I texted a girlfriend who is also a stay at home mom to see if she wanted to go. She introduced me to "cry baby matinee." The sound isn't as loud, they leave the lights on a bit and it's ok if the baby cries. Pirates of the Caribbean was Monday but Wonder Woman is this coming Monday, so we have a date!
The reusable diapers aren't too tough, I'm actually considering reusable wipes. Though just because you have enough diapers doesn't mean you should wait until the very last minute. The smell.
Also I have decided polka dots are the most adorable thing for McKenna to wear. Good thing I bought my diaper bag with polka dots.
We had our first giant throw up. As soon as we sat down at the table at happy hour. It was wash the covers, dripping out the bottom level.
I attempted to capture her hand and feet prints with paint. Cute idea. Not so great for a 6 week old. There was paint everywhere. And still is. I ordered a stamp pad.
I am also learning a lot about boundaries. Or people's lack there of. There are things you have no idea bothered you until you have a baby. Touching the belly was just the beginning, it only gets more interesting and challenging after that.
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