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Is the end nearing?

I have officially been out of training for 4 weeks today. I have lost a significant amount of muscle tone but have fortunately maintained the same weight. Ideally I would have dropped weight but for my lack of activity and significant spike in cheese and sugar consumption, I'm just happy it didn't go up. I go back to the Dr on Wednesday morning and am really hoping to get released to run. I want to do the marathon but more than anything I need focus in my life. If the Dr and physical therapist say the marathon is just not going to happen, then so be it. But I need some structure, a goal and an outlet. Ive been quite a mess the last 4 weeks. Eating poorly, sleeping little and not working out. But as much of a disaster as I know I am, I cant find it in me to behave any differently.

I am hoping this week goes differently. I had the best intentions of going sugar free beginning Saturday morning. I was off to a good start until at about 2 am the bar ran out of sugar free red bull and I decided to switch to leaded. Those things kill me. I could still feel my heart racing when I went to bed at 6:30. I slipped again Sunday by having a shaved ice desert at the Malaysian restaurant we tried and a coke when we ordered pizza. So I'm back on track today and its miserable! I have the worst headache and all I want is sugar! I guess come things will never change, I couldn't handle sugar when I was little and I still cant. Im about to leave work so the temptation has about passed but this headache isnt any better.

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