Anyone that knows me, would tell you, the thing that gets in my way is my own head. My own fear holds me back. Its not my lack of skill of my inability, its that I doubt both of those. Ive been told it a few times. But it never set in until today. I had a hard session of sparring a few weeks back. I won't lie, it hurt. And I hurt for a while after wards. And then it held me back. But there was no stopping today. I had run out of reasons not to come to practice. So I came. And sparred. And then the round I was afraid of happened. Coach Ric. I got hit, it wasn't that bad...my own head had made it worse than it was. I could take a whole lot more than I had thought. I was holding my self back.
So I have thought about this for a while. Do I actually write this post? Do I put my dirty laundry out there for everyone? Or the handful that read my blog. And if I do, what do I say? Do I slam those involved? Do I take the high road? When is a “good” time to put it out there? A few days under my belt and there is probably no better time. So no secret, my ex-boyfriend was my coach. That worked out mildly well while we were together but add a breakup and somehow it just doesn’t work out as smoothly. Add a few of the worst things a person could do to another in there and disaster doesn’t even begin to describe. But I have this eternal belief that I can make any situation work. That I can fix things. It’s what makes me good at my job. I’m an eternal optimist. But it’s what causes me to not be so good at my personal life. Even when things are clearly not good, I still think I can fix it and make it right...
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