So I did a jiu jitsu tournament this past weekend. I did it purely for the experience of competing, not because I like bjj. I haven't competed in 5 months and figured I needed to shake the jitters a little. The only matches I cared about were my no-gi matches. Lets be honest, I just don't know what I'm doing in a gi. And thus I don't like it. It's not like sex, where the first time you didn't know what you were doing but it felt good so you kept doing it. Nope. I didn't know what I was doing and it made it even worse. So this weekend, I won my no-gi match and then had my gi match. I was facing the girl I just beat in no-gi, knew she trained extensively in the gi and had a moment of panic that I don't know what I'm doing in the gi. I was walking to my match and thought "it's ok if she beats me, I don't really care". And then we slapped hands. It's like the little green monster takes over and I must win. There's nothing on the line other than pride. But that's all I need. And I won. 4 more times that day. I took gold in every division, including my two gi divisions.
So I have thought about this for a while. Do I actually write this post? Do I put my dirty laundry out there for everyone? Or the handful that read my blog. And if I do, what do I say? Do I slam those involved? Do I take the high road? When is a “good” time to put it out there? A few days under my belt and there is probably no better time. So no secret, my ex-boyfriend was my coach. That worked out mildly well while we were together but add a breakup and somehow it just doesn’t work out as smoothly. Add a few of the worst things a person could do to another in there and disaster doesn’t even begin to describe. But I have this eternal belief that I can make any situation work. That I can fix things. It’s what makes me good at my job. I’m an eternal optimist. But it’s what causes me to not be so good at my personal life. Even when things are clearly not good, I still think I can fix it and make it right...
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