Coach Kirstin

The final week of the weight cut is the toughest.  I can't afford any slips in the diet.  Everything has to be at the right time and in the right amounts.  Mentally I'm not as strong as when I started.  I over hydrated so I peed about every 3 hours at night for 4 nights, so I dint sleep well.  I usually cut out most dairy during a cycle.  I switch to green tea for most of it, because I prefer my coffee with milk.  In the last few days though, I have to watch my liquid intake, so I switch to a dopio espresso with 2 Splenda.  Normally a dopio espresso is a bit strong for me.  Though now it has become a welcome shock to my system.  It has also  become a checkpoint.   Drinking straight espresso, down to the very end.   In my mind, its almost over at that point.  And those shocks to my system are the most welcome part of my day.

For the last week, well really the last 5 months, I have tried to hold it together to be strong for my Papa. The death of my Nanny was imminent but it doesn't mean it was any easier on him.  She also took care of everything, for the better part of their 60 years.  We planned on the memorial of June so all the family could make it, which was amazingly wonderful, but it took a toll on him.  He had 5 months to worry about all of the details.  I took care of us much as possible but we still had our snafu's.  Though as strong as I like to think I was, it was all the people I had helping me be strong.  That I would call and vent to, that would be logical, that would tell me its ok and bring me back into reality.  As strong as we think we are, its really those that support us that makes us stronger.      

I know I get cranky and short during a water cut. Or downright bitchy. What I did not count on was how that would effect my ability to assist my grandfather. I should preface this that my papa is 84 and has numerous medical problems most notably diabetes. Which he has never managed. Or not through food. He eats what he likes and controls it though injections. We are long passed the idea of managing diet. We manage via candy bars. But he is also dealing with grief and loneliness of almost 60 years of marriage being gone. I feel like a terrible person. I normally put up with his behavior quite well. I tend to have a lot of patience with him. But I'm out of it. I left early on Saturday to my aunties and had a veg day on Sunday. I cooked my food for the next few days, we moved irrigation pipe and I finally showered at 8pm. I regret not running but needed the day. So when I returned tonight, he was basically in the process of taking out every personal artifact. I'm still not ...

Today was probably my most challenging on many levels. My Papa and I had to go to the funeral home to make the last of the arrangements and go to the cemetery to make the arrangements there.  I know he's been very stressed about this but he seemed to be doing as well as I could expect.  He made it through one decision at the funeral home and then started to struggle, so I did what I do best and took over making decisions without hesitation.  Despite the upset it caused him earlier this year, he seemed to be relieved to not have to make any decisions.  This continued for the rest of the day.  There were times when I thought I was just going to crawl under the chair and cry, but then I would look at my grandfather struggling.  And realized one of us had to be strong.  And it wasn't him.  So I was strong for the both of us. But my biggest challenge has been eating.  I knew it would be tough to stick to my diet while I was here.  I didn't...

The thing about teammates is they go through the same thing. Maybe not exactly but they know your struggles. So last night I was telling a teammate about my fight and he asked who was riding down with me to keep me company. I didn't have anyone but didn't think I needed anyone. And then I realized I had always had it but never thought of it. This could be the exception, I could be the only one. And without hesitation he said he would go. He knew the thing I needed even if I didn't.

So I had two fights get cancelled in a week. Add that to doing a tournament that never resulted in a fight. And I'm more than frustrated. Questioning if I want to keep doing this. Why I like doing this. And then I got a call last night about a fight on the 29th, 20 days away. I'm basically on a constant fight cycle at this point so it's doable. Except I will be in Montana for 10 days of that. It's not impossible but definitely makes me a little anxious. There are a few other variables that make me apprehensive. This will be a challenge, as is any fight. But logistically this will be my toughest. I trust my coaches inherently. That's how I came to the gym I'm at, I couldn't trust my previous coach. So when this opportunity came up, I checked with my coaches. And they believe it can be done. So I have no doubt that I can do this.