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End of patience

I know I get cranky and short during a water cut. Or downright bitchy. What I did not count on was how that would effect my ability to assist my grandfather. I should preface this that my papa is 84 and has numerous medical problems most notably diabetes. Which he has never managed. Or not through food. He eats what he likes and controls it though injections. We are long passed the idea of managing diet. We manage via candy bars. But he is also dealing with grief and loneliness of almost 60 years of marriage being gone. I feel like a terrible person. I normally put up with his behavior quite well. I tend to have a lot of patience with him. But I'm out of it. I left early on Saturday to my aunties and had a veg day on Sunday. I cooked my food for the next few days, we moved irrigation pipe and I finally showered at 8pm. I regret not running but needed the day.

So when I returned tonight, he was basically in the process of taking out every personal artifact. I'm still not sure of the goal but we wasted a good 1.5 hours at 9:30. I just wanted to go to bed, tomorrow is the internment so I/ we need rest. And mentally I don't think anyone wants to go through that. Personally I wanted to do it after they passed. It's stuff that mattered to them. But seeing my high school graduation announcement does nothing for me. The pictures are important. But it's 10:30. I'm on a water cut and I could care less.

I'm becoming further and further frustrated with him and feel terrible for it. I should be able to be here for him. Help. Take care of stuff. But I just can't. I need my space.

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