Our first 7 days

I am starting to write this at 4 am. One week ago, my adorably sweet girl was not quite here yet, we were still at home waiting out contractions. The contractions started the day before very mildly. I had 2 or 3 throughout the day but nothing of note. The first one I distinctly remember was sitting in traffic on the way home about 5. I let the husband and the doula know. I got home and went about my evening. The dogs knew though. They were very calm and patient with me. Chris and I had dinner and I decided to take a bath, which quickly escalated my contractions but they were very inconsistent in their timing. We spoke with the Doula and she said to go to bed, we needed the sleep as we could have labor ahead of us very soon. I tried to sleep but with every contraction I either vomited or pooped, or both. It was tons of fun.... At 2 Chris became nervous that it was still going on so we spoke with the Doula, who agreed it was early labor but the timing was still inconsistent. She had us call the on call Dr who said it was early labor but said to wait until there was a change in intensity. I made it until 5 and then told Chris we are going to the hospital. The contractions had definitely increased but I also didn't want to sit in traffic with contractions. We checked in at 5:40 and I was 5cm. My original plan was an unmedicated birth but I had already changed my mind on that subject. The Doula was on her way and Chris was doing his best to coach me through my contractions. The pain was honestly unlike anything I was prepared for. I was asking for the epidural and made it through a few positions and my water breaking before I told the nurse to get the anesthesiologist at 9. I was a full 10cm but what I was unaware of, because I wasn't planning on an epidural, it slows things down. A lot. I ended up having to get petosin to keep the contractions, still inconsistent in their timing going. The first epidural at 9 mostly helped but I was still feeling a lot from the front side. I got second injection and felt an immense amount of relief and actually napped for a bit. I continued to have irregular contractions but she was sunny side up. The Dr would turn her but she would flip right back. I continued to have irregular contractions throughout the day, the irregularity happens because she was sunny side up. There was a Dr switch at 6 and we continued to have the same return to her original position after the Dr rotating her. We talked it over with the Doula and we had a few options. First I could continue laboring and we could try different positions to help her flip. I would need to nap as I was starting to run on empty. I received another epidural injection but it had no effect as the needle had moved. Second, they could try and use forceps which is about as bad as it sounds. Or third I could have a cesarean. Now, this seems like a very easy decision but cesarean was the one thing I really didn't want. The birth process had become the exact opposite of everything I wanted. It was really helpful for the Doula to say to me "the only thing that matters is having your baby here."  And that's what it came down to, I just wanted our daughter here and healthy. I decided about 7:30/8 but there was a cesarean ahead of me so we didn't go in until 9:45 and she was born about 10:30. Seeing her for the first time is a feeling I will never forget. She was here and healthy. And I was pain and worry free for the first time, I struggled to stay awake.
It's been a crazy 7 days. Everything you knew changes just that fast. It's the most amazing and exhausting thing. I hear a cry and am awake instantly, regardless of how little sleep I just had.
We had a tough day/ night transitioning home. We were experiencing cluster feedings and neither of us slept much. I also tried using my breast pump and panicked when drops came out. Fortunately, I am not in this alone and the husband took over. He forced me to eat a protein shake, cashews and go to sleep. I still woke up 4 hours later convinced I was starving our daughter. There might have been a few tears shed that day. Things got better after that and we have had a pretty easy time. We still have stretches where we only sleep an hour at a time but we are getting several 3 hours blocks too.
I have also done things I never expected. Like whip out a boob walking through our neighborhood so I could feed her. I actually agonized over if I would be ok doing this, long before I was even pregnant. And then you do it and don't think or care.
This morning I was breastfeeding on the toilet, while trying to poop and entertain a cat and a dog. The reality that this is my new normal was actually ok.