Two years

Two years ago I was about to have my first pro mma fight. I had agreed to the fight even though she came in 15 lbs heavier than the agreed to weight because I really just wanted to fight. My life changed forever that day. I finally had the fight I had wanted, I was actually tested. I had to decide how bad I wanted to win. I did win but at a high cost. I had a really bad concussion. I had trouble remembering the names of things, people's names or what I was doing. I struggled to drive because I had no depth or speed perception. I constantly had a bad headache.  Being in the sunlight was miserable and caused a headache instantly.  I had a hard time keeping a train of thought, maybe it was because of the headaches.  And my personality began to change. 

I initially avoided the obvious and didn't go to the dr. I did after a few weeks but if you know anything about concussions, I had passed a very critical window. Initially,  I worked with a sports concussion specialist. I was put on several medicines. I started vestibular physical therapy to help with my vision and perception. I was going to cranial therapy to help with my headaches. I was getting injections to my occipital nerve to reduce the swelling and headaches. After 6 months of treatment I decided to switch to a neurologist, I was starting to max out on medication dosages and my headaches were still terrible. 10 months and 2 doctors later my headaches were mostly gone and I was off the medicines. 

My life has been forever altered since that day. 

But I would still do it all again (just a lot more head movement). There isn't a day that I don't miss it and wish I could still be fighting. There is nothing like that feeling. 

The last few days have been bitter sweet. I watched my fight for the first time with a group. Usually it's just me. And then I get angry about all the things I did in that fight. But that's every fight. My friends are reposting all the pictures leading up to the fight. It stirs up all kinds of thoughts. None more so than the desire to fight. 

So yesterday I hit the bag for a few rounds for the first time in 2 years. Relieving, yes. Gratifying, no. But this is where I am at.