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State of Murphey

I’ve thought a lot about if I should write this post or not and if I did write it what would I say.  This blog is about things that I see in life that interest or captivate me.  And I write my posts so that people can see that an average person, like myself, can tackle athletic endeavors of any kind.  My life revolves around my training, fitness and most importantly food.  And thus those topics are the focus of most of my posts.  And that’s why I was unsure about this post, it’s of very personal nature but impacts all of my usual topics. 

Last week, I was blindsided by my boyfriend, whom I live with, breaking things off.  I was blindsided because despite the trouble he had been having with a monogamous relationship, I thought we were both working towards a better relationship.  But one of us was working his way out and the other was giving too much.  This situation has become exponentially difficult as we are planning to open a Krav Maga and fitness training center with another business partner, 25 days away from such news. 

We are all capable of healing and dealing with things but we do it in our process.  Most times in life I reward myself with or find solace in food.  It comforts me.  It feels good to me.  I like it.  I pay the price on the other end or usually my rear end.  I have taken a vacation to NYC just to eat cannoli’s.  But it’s part of my process.  Along with time.  Time away.  Time to myself.  Time to think.  To decide.  To recover and be ready to face the world.  And unlike every other time in my life, food isn’t comforting me.  It isn’t interesting me.  I don’t desire it or the sweets I usually want.  I’m feeding myself because I know I have to but I’m forcing it down my throat.  And it’s causing my training to suffer.  I don’t have the energy or fight in me I normally do.  I’m losing muscle tone, and weight at over a pound a day.  Nutritionally I’m worried about injury.  In my head, I’m worried about my instructor test.  30 days away from today is a very physically challenging 7 days.  And my head was already getting in the way of it, prior to what happened last week.  And so I’m struggling.  Struggling to find a way to keep training.  Struggling to eat so I can keep going.  Struggling to decide if this business is still the right decision for me.  Struggling with what the right answer is.  Wanting the only thing I can’t have right now, time. 

Comments

  1. UnknownAugust 19, 2011 at 3:56 PM

    Tough Situation.
    Pressure and Time makes Diamonds though.
    You will be stronger and better because of this experience.
    That's your daily dose of TwonOptimism

    ReplyDelete

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