I like to think Im responsible. And probably compared to most people I am. But in reality, Im not the person I think I should be. The person I think I should be saves more, doesn’t have credit card debt, clears her to do list, does the maintenance on her house, volunteers at the animal shelter, is a foster dog mom, calls her grandfather more often, has a will and a living will. The list could probably go on and on. But at the top of the list is generally be more financially responsible. I thought I was doing the smart thing 8 years ago and let my now ex-husband talk me into buying a house. It was so easy. The market was so good and within 3 weeks of looking we had an accepted offer on a house. 2 years later we were getting divorced. The majority of the things we had planned to do to the house were still undone and I wasn’t able to pay the bills by myself. I got a roommate, got a few promotions and I have it covered. But with the divorce, my life started to move into DC. I started Krav Maga in DC, mostly because that’s where my sister was living. Then most of my friends were living in DC, then my boyfriend was and then I moved in with him. So I got a tenant. Well 2 years later we weren’t together but I still had a tenant. And my life was in DC, so I got an apartment in DC. Because I love DC. And it was more convenient. I ended up getting a new tenant about a year ago and he pretty much destroyed my place. New floors, paint and lots of cleaning later, I wasn’t having any luck finding a tenant. Having evicted him for non-payment and 2 more months of no rent, new floors and a new water heater, I was becoming more and more financially irresponsible. So I made a list of reasons to stay in my apartment and reasons to move to my condo. The list went about like this: Move to Condo – All logical and financially responsible reasons. Stay in apartment/ DC – All feel good/ make me happy reasons. So I decided to the responsible thing and move back to my condo. I can’t say Im dreading it. Will be nice to have a washing machine in my place and the bamboo floors are pretty amazing. Oh and my room has blackout blinds so I can sleep in as long as I want. But Im not happy to leave the city. To leave my friends. To leave the post-divorce me that found herself in the sea transient people. But the post-divorce me is also trying to be responsible.
So I have thought about this for a while. Do I actually write this post? Do I put my dirty laundry out there for everyone? Or the handful that read my blog. And if I do, what do I say? Do I slam those involved? Do I take the high road? When is a “good” time to put it out there? A few days under my belt and there is probably no better time. So no secret, my ex-boyfriend was my coach. That worked out mildly well while we were together but add a breakup and somehow it just doesn’t work out as smoothly. Add a few of the worst things a person could do to another in there and disaster doesn’t even begin to describe. But I have this eternal belief that I can make any situation work. That I can fix things. It’s what makes me good at my job. I’m an eternal optimist. But it’s what causes me to not be so good at my personal life. Even when things are clearly not good, I still think I can fix it and make it right...
We are always our own worst critics!
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