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So I have thought about this for a while.  Do I actually write this post?  Do I put my dirty laundry out there for everyone? Or the handful that read my blog.  And if I do, what do I say? Do I slam those involved?  Do I take the high road?  When is a “good” time to put it out there?  A few days under my belt and there is probably no better time.

So no secret, my ex-boyfriend was my coach.  That worked out mildly well while we were together but add a breakup and somehow it just doesn’t work out as smoothly.  Add a few of the worst things a person could do to another in there and disaster doesn’t even begin to describe. 

But I have this eternal belief that I can make any situation work.  That I can fix things.  It’s what makes me good at my job.  I’m an eternal optimist. But it’s what causes me to not be so good at my personal life.  Even when things are clearly not good, I still think I can fix it and make it right.  It’s what causes me to be in relationships that aren’t working.  I recognize this and am working on it.  A lot lately.  As I have cleaned out a ton of people in my life that weren’t working.

But it’s that eternal optimism that kept me training under that coach, even when I didn’t trust him or believe in him, I just didn’t want to recognize it.  And then it started affecting my heath.  Having someone so toxic in my life was killing my immune system. I missed a day of work almost every week in December because I was sick.  My blood pressure was off the charts high.  And I was back to not sleeping. 

After a very hard conversation with my Dad. Not because he made it hard, he made it really easy.  Hard because the only thing that kills me, is disappointing my Dad.  And I felt like I failed because I couldn’t make the coaching dynamic work.  But my Dad made it all ok and said changing was the right decision.  Which is why I have the tattoo on the inside of my right arm.  My arm because he enables me to reach forward towards anything I have ever wanted, and on the inside of the left because it’s as close to my heart as it could be.

Knowing it would likely affect the timeline of my goals, I switched gyms.  I started training at Capital MMA just over a week ago.  There are a few familiar faces but also plenty of new ones.  That challenge me and push me to be better.  The coaches are amazing.  The team is fantastic and always eager to help. I’m now the newbie that is behind on the learning curve.  Kind of a nice change.

Things are looking up. The goals got rearranged but not different.  And when my Dad called this week to see how it was going, I could be honest.  Because every once and a while in the last couple months, I’d lie to him about how I was doing because I don’t want him to worry.  He even double checked, and told me not to lie to make him feel better.