Skip to main content

So I'm just a little crazy

Some times I think I might be going crazy. That or I'm just becoming someone I hate.

Right now my weight is 152.2. Exactly where I agreed with my coach to keep it. Makes going to 135 a whole lot easier. But I feel fat.

Last week was my rest week. I also try and give my mind a rest. I eat without thinking and I don't weigh myself. So honestly when I step on the scale the Monday after that week, I'm always terrified what it's going to say. And this was no exception. Because in my mind, I was fat. I had seen my body evolve as it always does during a fight cycle, and I wasn't there.

But I stepped on the scale and 152.2. Two days in a row.

But I'm not happy where I'm at. I feel like one of those crazy chic's who is always dieting and still says she's fat. Because in reality, this is the best shape I have ever been in my whole life. But I'm still not satisfied with where I'm at. Or maybe it's my mind saying "These cuts aren't any fun, lets just stay at a lower weight". Or maybe it's pure vanity. That I like seeing my abs. As though they are proof that I work really hard.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Untitled

So I have thought about this for a while.  Do I actually write this post?  Do I put my dirty laundry out there for everyone? Or the handful that read my blog.  And if I do, what do I say? Do I slam those involved?  Do I take the high road?  When is a “good” time to put it out there?  A few days under my belt and there is probably no better time. So no secret, my ex-boyfriend was my coach.  That worked out mildly well while we were together but add a breakup and somehow it just doesn’t work out as smoothly.  Add a few of the worst things a person could do to another in there and disaster doesn’t even begin to describe.  But I have this eternal belief that I can make any situation work.  That I can fix things.  It’s what makes me good at my job.  I’m an eternal optimist. But it’s what causes me to not be so good at my personal life.  Even when things are clearly not good, I still think I can fix it and make it right...
1 comment
Read more

Defensive eating

I like to think I have complete control over what i eat, how much and when. It's my body, who else would have control? Over the last week, I have realized the level of influence the person you live with can affect it. I have lived for a while with someone who has no self control and thus sees a package of cookies on the counter and eats the entire thing or eats an entire 1 lbs bag of PB M&m's in one sitting. So instead of eating just one of my favorite cookie, I would eat 3 or 4. Yes I know cookies will not be gone forever but in that instant I become territorial and eat more than I normally would. It makes me wonder about the strange behaviors those in large families must have about food. Clearly our parents define a lot about the relationship we have with food but this realization brings to light a whole new level of influence on my eating. There has been a package of cookies on the counter that's been there since Monday and is still half full.
1 comment
Read more

Dad's Salsa

My Dad makes the best salsa.  I grew up in New Mexico.  We are a bit picky about our salsa.  It is hands down my favorite.  And not just because he is my Dad.  Its actually brilliant in in its simplicity.  The ingredients are: Green Chiles Onions Canned diced tomatoes (petite if you ask his opinion) Cumin Salt Olive oil (for cooking the onions The important thing is to start with good roasted chile's.  The roasting is what gives them their flavor and allows the skin to blister and peel off.  I was lazy when I put up my chile the last time and just bagged everything with the skin on.  It actually tends to be a little easier to get the skin off once its been frozen.  For this batch I used 2 quart bags frozen chile's, 6 - 14.5 oz cans of diced tomatoes, 2 onions and seasonings to taste.   First step is to clean the chile's and chop them.  I could probably normally tolerate the chile's but now I have a little perso...
Post a Comment
Read more