Skip to main content

Temper tantrum

Have you ever seen a kid throwing a fit screaming and making a scene in the middle of the store when their parent told them “no” about something? That's what goes on in my head when I want sweets or a coke. My inner two year old starts screaming and jumping up and down yelling "I want it! I need it! I have to have it!” And I give in.  I do want it.  I think I need it.  And when Im having a shitty moment, it does make me feel better.  I find solace in my food.  I feel like I should be about 300 lbs to be able to say that. 

 

Until I feel the remorse for eating it.  And then I say Im not doing that again.  But I do.  Often.  And it’s a constant struggle I go through. 

 

And then I saw something a few days ago as I was scrolling Facebook from one of the many fitness things I follow.  It said to tell yourself “I don’t eat that.”  I scrolled fast because I eat good.  But I don’t.  Meals wise Im great.  I have figured out what works for me.  But I’m a train wreck when it comes to the sweets.  Figured I’d give it a shot.  Couldn’t be any worse than the current situation. 

 

So 5 days in and its actually working.  Granted this may not seem like much to you.  Reality it’s not.  But every day I start over with the same goal and I make it through about lunch… So 5 days is a minor miracle.  Is there room for improvement?  Absolutely!  But let’s start with baby steps.  And today that’s not having a coke with every meal.

 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Untitled

So I have thought about this for a while.  Do I actually write this post?  Do I put my dirty laundry out there for everyone? Or the handful that read my blog.  And if I do, what do I say? Do I slam those involved?  Do I take the high road?  When is a “good” time to put it out there?  A few days under my belt and there is probably no better time. So no secret, my ex-boyfriend was my coach.  That worked out mildly well while we were together but add a breakup and somehow it just doesn’t work out as smoothly.  Add a few of the worst things a person could do to another in there and disaster doesn’t even begin to describe.  But I have this eternal belief that I can make any situation work.  That I can fix things.  It’s what makes me good at my job.  I’m an eternal optimist. But it’s what causes me to not be so good at my personal life.  Even when things are clearly not good, I still think I can fix it and make it right...

Defensive eating

I like to think I have complete control over what i eat, how much and when. It's my body, who else would have control? Over the last week, I have realized the level of influence the person you live with can affect it. I have lived for a while with someone who has no self control and thus sees a package of cookies on the counter and eats the entire thing or eats an entire 1 lbs bag of PB M&m's in one sitting. So instead of eating just one of my favorite cookie, I would eat 3 or 4. Yes I know cookies will not be gone forever but in that instant I become territorial and eat more than I normally would. It makes me wonder about the strange behaviors those in large families must have about food. Clearly our parents define a lot about the relationship we have with food but this realization brings to light a whole new level of influence on my eating. There has been a package of cookies on the counter that's been there since Monday and is still half full.

A Friendly Little Bet

So I like to think I take very calculated risks. That may sound like the dumbest thing I've ever said (though I can guarantee I've said worse) considering my extracurricular activities. But that's still a calculated risk, given the right training it isn't too crazy. So over lunch on Sunday I got into a disagreement over my body fat and what weight I could cut to. I believe at my current weight of 147 that my body fat is over 20%, he disagreed. So naturally this devolved into a friendly bet since I'm doing a Bod Pod test on Thursday. The looser had to wash the others motorcycle.  Not really fair since I think I’m right and mine is brand new.  But then a real wager was put down and there was no backing down, especially because I still think I'm right. Until I told my roommate and her response “there is no way and that’s going all over facebook when it happens.” So in a slight moment of panic, I considered “throwing” the bet but we’...