Coach Kirstin

I love fighting.  It's a drug.  Everyone told me that but I couldn't fathom that until I experienced my first fight.  It was a loss but I was still hooked.   There is no other high like stepping in that cage.  That rush.    But in April I started getting headaches.  I didn't get hit hard.  I didn't get knocked out.  They just started.  I talked to my coaches and made a conscious decision to go through with my fight anyhow.  This wasn't just any fight.  This was my first pro fight.  This was 2 years of only fighting 4 times and countless fights that had fallen through.  Fallen through as I walked the steps of the ring with my gear on after waiting for two days.  I wasn't backing out.  I was taking this fight because I wanted to fight and I love fighting.  And I was tired of missing fights.   I kept it to only a handful of people, not even all my coaches knew.  I didn't take ...

For the last 3 months I have been on pretty significant restrictions from working out to heal an injury. Pretty much all I get to do is some stationary bike riding and a few exercises in low reps that don't cause my heart rate to go up much. Which is oh so exciting... I don't know how I ever used to go to a gym and do the bike, or elliptical or treadmill. I want to drive the stationary bike off a bridge to put myself out of misery after about 5 minutes in. I have tried not to complain too much because this injury was a result of a conscious decision that I made. Needless to say, without working out I have gained weight. Expected. What I didn't expect is the complete disappearance of my muscles! You can't even see my tricep unless I flex...!! But in reality I don't know what I am complaining about. Because all I have complained about for the better part of the last year is how giant my arms are, especially in photos (I'll save myself the embarrassment ...

I had so many half thoughts on this leading up to the fight that I could never really decide what to write or put together a cohesive thought on it. But I keep getting questions on it. And I still don't know how to answer them. The simple answer. Nothing changed. I still prepped the same way. I had my same coaches there every step of the way. I still panicked about the exact same things at the same times. My diet was the same. The only real difference was I slept more. Lesson learned of previous training cycles is sleep is as important as mat time. Oh and I got paid. But it's not like it was a windfall and I quit my job. I was still balancing my full time job during the day and my part time job of training. But I gave most of the money back to the gym in the form of equipment. So at the end of the day, I'm just another person at the gym.

Four score and...actually it was only 7 weeks ago I had my last fight. Seems like an eternity because so much has transpired. In that 7 weeks I have been healing an injury I received before the training cycle started but it got worse after the fight. I had to cut my training down to almost nothing while my body healed after the fight. Good or bad I made the conscious decision to train and fight through it. There is a brief period after a fight where I am on cloud 9 but shortly after there is a bit of blues. There is so much leading up to a fight. Everything I do is revolving around that and when it's over, there is a huge hole in my life. For the first time in a while, I don't have a fight dictating what's next, I have to decide what's next. That's part of what makes it easy to go right into another cycle, it fills that missing void. I have always tried to attack my weaknesses if there wasn't a fight coming up. But due to my injuries, I couldn't fill that...

I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been a rough week. I am on my first flight going from Montana to Iowa with my grandfather for his family reunion. I came to Montana to visit my family. Part of that included going through several of the boxes of memorabilia that my grandmother had kept with my grandfather. I knew there was a lot of photos but was unsure what else. I knew this was a big event for my grandfather because we talked about it almost every other day in the weeks leading up to my visit. Initially I chalked our repeated conversations up to his dementia and diabetes related memory problems. But as the visit got closer I began to realize there was a lot of anxiety around those boxes. Almost as soon as I got there he wanted to start going through the boxes. And that's when I realized, I was having my own fair share of anxiety about these boxes. But I wasn't ready. I managed to postpone him a day. The next day I went back after a restless nights sleep to start goin...

Every fight cycle there is something I crave and I just can't wait until the fight cycle is over to eat it. I usually start making a list of all the things I want to eat. Usually I get through some of them and then feel gross from eating so much crap, then go back to eating healthy. This time, it's grilled cheese. Every place I pass, I can smell grilled cheese. Even if they don't serve it. It's probably the combination of the two things I miss the most during fights, bread and cheese. So while everyone is excited for my fight, I'm counting down the hours until I get to eat a grilled cheese.

Earlier this week I was at my dr's and we were just catching up as part of our normal appointment. Not only is he my dr but also a dear friend. He has seen me through several ups and downs and a lot of personal transformation. I was telling him I quit bitting my nails. We joked about the significance of that since I am so neurotic. He joked that "you are the sweetest person but you are really neurotic". But he also talked about that just being a part of any high level athlete. He sees a lot of high level athlete's and they are all a little stressed out and neurotic. They are all a little neurotic and twitchy. It's what allows them to perform at the level they do. That they have to channel that into their sport. He mentioned how he as giving a talk and showed a picture of me and everyone questioned how I could I get punched in the face. He explained it as it being the very essence of me. This isn't a hobby. Or a casual activity. My whole life revolves around it...

I've heard it takes 21 days to forge a habit. Well I'm on day 18 of not bitting my nails. I have bitten them for as long as I can remember. I have tried to quit for just as long. I'm more than a little neurotic and a very anxious person. But I've been working on focusing on the things that are in my control. And it has allowed me to become a little less anxious. But a few weeks ago I had to go to the ER to get my finger lanced. I had paronychia. Google it. Pretty gross. But it's a nail bitter thing. So I just decided to stop. There have definitely been times when I was about to bite my nails. And I have been very close. Sometimes you have to just tell that voice to shut up. And put a piece of gum in your mouth.

So in my condo each person has one assigned spot that you own along with your condo. There are plenty of visitor spots but there are three that are much closer to my unit and don't require driving over a speed bump. This may seem insignificant but when you see the volume of crap I carry out of my house on a regular day, you would understand the importance of not carrying it very far. Oh and my car doesn't really get along with the mountainous speed bumps in my community. So I have one very strange little neighbor who has two cars and she never parks them in her assigned spot. She parks them in 2 out of the 3 close spots. I was letting this drive me crazy. I was getting so irritated that she was taking up these spots and leaving her assigned spot empty. I was considering leaving a note on her cars. And then I stepped back and thought about what was going on. This was someone else's actions that I really had no bearing on. I was letting the actions of others dictate my ...

I know it’s awful for you but I love Cokes.  I grew up in New Mexico so Coke means any carbonated fizzy beverage .  My favorite is actually Coke and Dr Pepper.  It’s some magical rush of sugar and caffeine.  I know it’s awful for you.  I know the bad things it does to you.  And I still drink it.  A lot. And as much as I know not supposed to do something, that rarely stops me.  Until it’s time to cut weight. So now I have switched back to green tea.  Some of you love it.  It’s just not that exciting to me.  But I know it’s better and better for me.  And I have weight to cut.

Due to a minor injury, I've been working on only boxing this week. I'm not Manny Pacquiao but my striking is my strength. But even in that, I have things I like to do. Go-to's. But when only one of those go-to's is available to me, everything changes. My style has to evolve. I have to bring in other skills. Everything has to be working. It's been frustrating and fun. I've also really enjoyed the evolution as I've been able to make it work. Training can be daunting. And to have it be fun again was a much needed change.

Ah the benefits of being fit. I have broad shoulders. They are muscular. And they don't fit in women's clothes. I went through this period where it seemed every dress shirt I owned, I was busting out of the elbows. I gave up on buying long sleeve dress shirts. Even if I could find one that fit my shoulders, the likelihood it would fit my waist was less likely than Meisha Tate beating Ronda Rousey the second time. So I have resigned myself to short sleeves and cotton shirts. And then I busted out of the elbows of a long sleeve cotton shirt. Who does that? So if you see me wearing a tank top in January, you will understand why.

So this fight cycle has been rocky to say the least.  My head has been all over the place. I lost an opponent, got another one. And so many other  things. My weight has been a struggle. I made some mistakes to assist with other issues. I also found it hard to stick to it without a for sure opponent. And then I panicked that I might not make it. And for the last 2.5 weeks I have been extremely strict with what I have been eating.  And the last few days have been a breeze. It's Wednesday before I weigh-in and I honestly feel the best I've ever felt. I'm a bit thirsty and a bit hungry, but nothing unmanageable.  I can still tell Im doing good because I can listen to the shuffle on the iPod in the car while Im driving.  That has never happened. I usually have to make a playlist of about 10-15 songs that aren't annoying me at the moment to get me through this week. And I almost posted this. And realized its wednesday, didn't want to go...

This fight cycle I've had the most amazing boyfriend. Honestly he was amazing before but through this cycle, I've come to appreciate him even more. His objective is only what's best for me. And it's an amazing feeling. I guess this is what a relationship is supposed to be like. It's not just my training he is concerned about but also me as a person and a fighter. What's best for me in that moment. And even when I may not be doing what's best for me, he is. We train together and have before, but this time he's a very big part of my fight cycle. I have relied on him to do a lot of my training with. My training dictates our schedules. And he has always been willing to rearrange his to help me. He has also listened to me complain, be frustrated and whine. He has tolerated it when I'm a brat because I'm tired or exhausted. Unfortunately for him there is 8 more days of this. Fortunately for me, I can't imagine anyone better to be going t...

Normally it's a strong word that I rarely feel I can use. Until I'm 2 weeks out from my fight. My body and mind are tired and I just want to fight. I don't hate you because your Asian, black or any other race. I don't hate you because your male or female, homophobic or gay. I don't hate you because you are skinny or fat, tall or short. No, I hate you because you get to eat and drink what ever you like. With reckless abandon you can eat and drink. Yes there are consequences but 95% you don't care about those consequences. You go to the gym as you like and eat when you feel hungry. But that's not me. The next 12 days are strictly prescribed and adhered too, being watched and monitored by my coaches. You know in Mr and Mrs Smith at the end when they are fighting and Brad Pitt says "there is no air around you". Unfortunately, that's me. I like plans and routines. I follow and don't deviate. It's why I can stick to it and make it to the ...

So I might have some tendencies that some would see as a little neurotic.  Like ironing my duvet cover.  In reality, only two people see it and I am one of them.  The other could care less if its even there, more or less if its ironed.  But I still iron it anyhow, even if i dont make the bed because it makes me happy. Yes there is probably some deep seeded need to control everything and for it to appear perfect but thats years of counseling to understand. Sunday I washed my duvet cover and it got all wrinkled when I left it in the dryer.  When I came home just after 10, it was still laying there wrinkled.  Magically it didnt unwrinkle while I was gone.  I had made a choice earlier that day to spend some time with my boyfriend, even though it would mean I wouldnt get all the things done I needed too.  So when I looked at the duvet cover it was a decision of sleep or ironing. It actually took a lot for me to decide that sleep was most important. ...

Cravings can be a crazy thing. If you are really listening to your body and eating clean, it will tell you what it needs. You don't crave cheeseburgers but you do crave nutrients. Though deconstructing that and realizing what you need is tricky. For the last 3 weeks I have been craving orange juice. I can not drink enough. Clearly I'm needing vitamin C. Others are harder to deconstruct. My dad always tells me he sometimes has weird cravings for protein bars and he knows he's lacking something and his body tells him he can get it in protein bars. It's also association and where your body thinks it can get what it needs. When I get dehydrated, I crave a Coke. Illogical right. Unless I explain it this way. When I am dehydrated my blood thickens and it makes me feel sleepy. My body knows the caffeine and sugar will jolt it awake. If I just drink some water my craving usually subsides. Our body's are amazing machines.

So this week my goal is sleep. It's the most important part of my training cycle. And now that I have figured out some of my barriers, it's coming much easier. But having a goal is irrelevant unless you have the steps to get there. So I looked at what was keeping me from getting enough sleep. The biggest things I noticed were leaving the gym late (thus not having enough time to decompress or get ready) and running errands at night. So my plan is to complete my training by 8pm every night and leave the gym within 20 minutes. Theoretically I leave work in enough time that gives me 3+ hours at the gym, I just need to make good use of my time. I also took care of all my errands over thee weekend, even buying face wash a little early just in case. I got gas on Sunday, did my grocery shopping and prepped as much of my food as possible. I will leave Wednesday, my rest day, for an errand but this should happen early enough that it won't affect the plan. So we shall see how this go...

When I first met with my nutritionist, she recommended a day of cleansing and juicing only.  She said do it on a non training, rest day.  I thought she was nuts.  My two rest days are the days I relax. Relax my diet. Relax my mind.  All so my body can relax.  So 4 months later this never happened.  Until this week.  I was adjusting my order for this weeks delivery, I knew I needed to rest.  Ive been really solid with my diet for the last 3 weeks.  I feel good but also am eating tons of protein.  So most of the stuff I needed to make the recommended smoothie I would have in my house, except celery and cilantro.  Who eats celery?  It reminds of eating a twig.  So last night when I got home, I began my experiment as I was unpacking my delivery box.  My ingredients: 2 stalks celery 1/2 an seedless cucumber (any kind can be used but this is what I keep on hand) 1 very over ripe banana 2 handfuls of kale 1 handful of...

Little known thing about me: I'm a huge believer in in karma and fate.   It's what has gotten me through some of my most difficult situations. And the only way I can bring logic to some of the things that have happened.   Though I would never wish for some of the things that I have gone through to happen to others, I'm glad to have experienced every one of them.   For example my car accident destroyed my knee and left me with permanent damage to my memory.   It made me realize so many things but probably most importantly the ability to be active and doing the things I love is a gift.   And I need to take that gift and make the most of it.   I could go on and on about the things that has taught and the way it has shaped my life but that would bore you.   And I already know about them.   I do believe everything happens for a reason.   There are people in your life for a reason.   Even if that is a bad reason.   It could be to mot...

Some times I wonder what it's like to be my coach. Or even my training partner. The gym is the one place I rarely, if ever, filter my personality. I will yell at you. I will cry, on occasion. I will get crazy ideas. I will give you dirty looks when you criticize me. I will tell you I hate you. And that can be all in one day. Last night I hated my workout. I hit pads for the first time since probably my fight in June and it felt like it. Then I did my S&C which was full of lunges, probably my least favorite thing. Every lunge in my wod was a struggle. It hurt. It took everything I had not to quit on every single lunge. I was so mad when I finished. I hated everything. And so I texted my crossfit coach and told him I hated crossfit and his workouts. His response: Life just isn't fair. Good thing he knows I'm crazy and just brushes me off. I tell him all the time, all women are fucking crazy. That's the only explanation. So today I was over my crossfit temper tantrum ...